I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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