i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
This house was built for laser tag.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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