We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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