i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
