Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
