if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
