Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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