HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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