I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
