This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Randomize
