Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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