Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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