I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
