He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
