I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
