Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize