If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
