Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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