Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
