Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
