i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
