At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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