Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
