Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
