i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize