Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Randomize
