official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Success! We fucked roommates!
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
