my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
