call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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