Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
