I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
