Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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