i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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