fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
