We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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