so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
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In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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