if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
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I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
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Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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