i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Is it penis luge time yet?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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