I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
