I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
