Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
