WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
