i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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