Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
