That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
