I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
