he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
