absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He did a backflip because drugs
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
try to milk me bitch
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
