I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The air was thick with penises
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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