i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
if only i could text you this smell
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
