He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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