Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
