No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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