I feel great
I just peed on a car
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
