I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
