Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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