he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
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she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
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Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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