i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
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I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
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Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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