dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i came on her dog
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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