whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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