Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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