That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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