i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
