I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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