She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
