Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
