I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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