dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
