It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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