The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
